Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
I graduated high school spring of 2009.
So, I was not expecting them to call me summer of 2010.
A woman asked for me, then introduced herself over the phone as a counselor from my old high school. Because I had graduated over a year ago, I was very much prepared to inform her that she was calling me in error. There was no reason she should be calling me, and whatever she still wanted from me was some sort of a mistake.
And I was right.
Because she was calling me with the audacity to tell me that my friend had passed away that morning.
On July 22, 2010 Heather committed suicide.
I remember feeling really guilty. And really angry for a really long time. And. Really betrayed. And.
It’s hard to put into words what it feels like. Maybe, that’s because people aren’t supposed to know what this feels like.
And, three years after she passed, I was finally able to do a documentary piece with her mother. And. That helped. I think when I posted this, all I could say was “I’m not angry anymore”. But. I didn’t really say anything else. Because I didn’t know what to say.
Because I still hurt.
It’s been four years. Since it happened. And. I think I’m starting to realize that it’s probably not going to stop hurting. Maybe someday. But not anytime soon.
And. It’s not okay. But. I think that it can be.
Instead of asking, “why did it happen” or “what could I have done”, I think I could be asking “what can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
And it is hard. It’s really really hard to talk about it, and I’m not really expecting that to go away.
As I was once told, “If it’s not scary, it’s probably not worth doing.”
Photoset with 1 note
Spent Father’s Day at the zoo with my daddy!
We had a really great time. Here are some photos of my favorite part of the zoo: The Snakes!
Video with 1 note
A fun little video of Super Saturday at Oklahoma State University Institute of Technology that Liz and I made!
Videography: Liz Smith
Editing: Molly Lynne Combs
Super Saturday Banner: Kim Woodard
Natalie Foster and friends give some helpful tips on what to expect your first time at a shooting range.
Love at First Shot: Episode One.
Love at First Shot: Series Teaser.
Natalie Foster can give women a first hand look at shooting a gun for a first time. What to expect, and what to wear! Haha!
Media Lab: Season One: Clip: Fatal Funnel.
Movie Reviews like you’ve never seen.
Media Lab: Season 1: Clip: Tunnel Vision.
A Sneak Peak at a new series by the NRA coming this May!
I edited this little clip~
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